MegaStyles™: The Week in Fashion (04.24.03)

Lukewarm temperatures. Lots of rain. Lots more mud. Spring is a bitch. But you could care less because you…are on vacation. Whether you’re Spring Break-ing or just on a mental holiday, visions of bikinis are already dancing in your head. But dandelion delusions can provoke some very ugly, albeit enthusiastic, adventures in fashion. Before the pollen makes Lycra and body glitter look feasible, MegaStyles™ intercedes to illuminate the worst fashion advice for Spring/Summer 2003:

Boy Cut Bikini Bottoms: Chances are you know if you shouldn’t wear a bikini. But this does not stop magazines from touting boy-cut bikini bottoms as a one-stop figure fixer. Unfortunately, if you’ve got booty to bury, this type of suit will take you from “J.Lo” to “Hell no” faster than you can say Cris Judd. One-piece suits and sarongs are graceful options and regular bikini bottoms are more flattering than you think. Don’t Blue Crush your way into hot pants.

Wear SPF: The sun either loves you or hates you. If you fall into the former category, a few sunny days are all you need to convince yourself that health, and skin cancer, is a state of mind. But if your pale skin makes Icelanders stare, why not be fabulously aloof and curl up under a huge beach umbrella? You skip the sun, snickers, and the gloopy lotion.

Wash Your Hair: After a day at the beach, your hair is salty, nappy, and…quite fantastic, actually. While high-priced Bumble & Bumble saltwater retails for $20 at chi-chi salons, you, crafty thing, can capitalize on Nature’s bounty. Post-beach and pre-dinner: wash your feet, your face, your freckles, but let your hair go island. The best things in life are steeply discounted.

Experiment With Colored Makeup: From April to September, the beauty editor’s mantra is “Color.” Unfortunately, wearing intense eyeshadow in glaring sunlight is the fastest way to look like a blowjob waiting to happen. Paris Hilton you are not. Save the brights for evening and be glowing, not garish.

Little Gems: Hot off the fashion presses, with MegaStyles™ reviews to follow:
A.L.T., a memoir by fashion caricature and Vogue editor at large, Andre Leon Talley.

Wacky Chicks: Life Lessons From Fearlessly Inappropriate And Fabulously Eccentric Women, by famed Barney’s window-dresser, Simon Doonan.

MegaStyles™ muses: “The Look for Less” show on the Style Network makes Walmart look almost wearable. But does it work in real life? When doing hi-lo, how low is too low to mix with anything else? Share real “Look for Less” tales at musings@megastyles.com

Could you be any more MegaFabulous? YES! Sign up friends/family/pets/mortal enemies for a dose of MegaStyles™ at info@megastyles.com 

“Fashion should begin as a gut reaction.”
                                                -Chloé designer, Phoebe Philo