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MegaStyles™: the Week in Fashion (06.27.03)
Seasonal Affective Disorder
It’s the end of June, meaning it’s almost July, meaning August
magazine issues arrive soon, meaning in Fashion Land, it’s fall!
Regardless of the sun’s tardy summer debut, a cool breeze already blows
through clothing stores and editorials. These
are the times that try women’s souls, as I sit in a sundress reading about
Eskimo chic and shop for bikinis only to find wool trousers.
But media being all-powerful, and me being a fashion glutton, by July 15
I’ll be twitching to buy a winter coat, sick of the (albeit unworn) summer
wardrobe plotted since February (which is March in fashion-speak, the beginning
of spring heralded by 700-page magazine cinderblocks.)
Shrewd magazine marketers know this gap between fantasy fall and the
legitimate season is just enough time for a sucker like me to convince herself
neon green leather motocross gloves are actually reliable wardrobe investments.
Past transgressions loitering at the back of my closet (cotton shrugs,
plaid “Gidget” capris, faux-dirty jeans) are hard evidence betraying my
seasonal disorder. But I take
comfort I am not alone. Within
every closet of Calvin Klein lurks a gold lamé skeleton.
So in the spirit of solidarity, MegaStyles™ comes out of the
closet to boldly face this fashion weakness, to avoid future tragedy, or to just
accept the inevitable:
Items of Dubious Importance That
Will Nonetheless Seem Integral
By September 1, 2003
Gloves. I have it on good authority (Vogue, “Sex and the City”) that gloves are “it” this fall. A return to glamour. Jackie O. meets Marc Jacobs mod meets “Charlie’s Angels” motocross. Of course. Do you need these? No. Will you look ridiculous in these? Yes. Will you love them unconditionally for five weeks in October? Most likely. Possible pragmatic uses include: 1) avoiding direct contact with germs on door handles, 2) hiding brass knuckles, and 3) enlisting as prop to dramatically punctuate dialogue, whipping on and off as needed. Good enough reasons for me.
Garishly Bright Clothing. Blame it on Marc Jacobs. The man could spit on a sheet and there would be a waiting list. His signature collection this fall channels Judy Jetson and mod 1960’s icons, resulting in lots of geometric cuts in colors previously detected only by bumblebees. You don’t like cobalt blue now, but you will…. And that is the beauty of fashion.
Ridiculous Hats. Hats are prime examples of fashion crack, quick fixes that turn normal people into addled yet confident fools. The currently popular “trucker’s hat” comes to mind, the baby tee of headgear: cloying, poorly constructed, and worn by teenagers and beer-bellied 40 year olds with equal frequency. Why give the French more ammunition?
More Black Clothes. I don’t think I’ll surprise anyone by saying black will be big for fall. Although designers always find a creative new angle for black attire—“Fall is about blending in yet being individual,” or “This year women want to be stealthy goth panthers,”---black is always a sure bet in any fall lineup. No one needs more black clothes. Our wardrobes are saturated with shades of onyx and ebony. But we all find ways to squeeze in one more sweater or three more pairs of stilettos. Call it an investment, call it a no-brainer, black is the safety blanket of our wardrobes and resistance is futile. Happy shopping.
Little Gems: Fashionable fans of abusive British television will be ecstatic to find BBC’s “What Not to Wear” available in bookstores next week:
MegaStyles™ Musings: Oh André Leon Talley, you bogged me down in your autobiography with the endless “cleanliness is next to godliness” routine, but has anyone nailed the current fashion blandness better than you in the July Vogue “Stylefax?” I think not. (Page 32, check it out.)
“I believe in fashion we no longer invent anything. We just recuperate things here and there and mix them up.”
--Giorgio Armani