STEINBRENNER ACQUIRES NUCLEAR WEAPON
Trades Alex Rodriguez to Kim Jong-Il

New York Yankees owner George Steinbrenner acquired a nuclear weapon today in a transaction that sent slugger Alex Rodriguez and an undisclosed sum of cash to North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il.

While national security experts were divided over what possible use Kim might have for the All-Star infielder, there was unanimity of opinion about Mr. Steinbrenner's plans for his newly-minted nuclear arsenal.

"The warhead that George Steinbrenner has acquired, if deployed on a ballistic missile he already owns, could reach Fenway Park in a matter of minutes," said Donaldson Tobin of the University of Minnesota.

Dr. Tobin, who studies the complex web of relationships between rogue states and baseball owners, said that no one should be surprised by the transaction between Mr. Steinbrenner and Kim Jong-Il: "They've been friends since the late 1980's, when they met at an Axis of Evil golf outing in Scottsdale."

As for the deal itself, Dr. Tobin believes that Mr. Steinbrenner may have gotten the better of his North Korean counterpart: "For all we know, Kim Jong-Il may think that 'A-Rod' means the same thing as 'fuel rod.'"

Meghan #